'Hearing' From God

What follows is something I wrote around 2005.  It has been lying dormant in 'draft' mode on this blog since then.  I was thinking about writing something new tonight, but time, and lack of a spark led me down the path of posting this instead.  It is a true account of what happened, and I like the message that was delivered.  Looking back on it today is a helpful reminder that I have and will continue to experience peaks and valleys in my spiritual life, and that regardless of what altitude I find myself, He is there no matter what.

"Well done, soldier. You have fought valiantly, and shown undying commitment and loyalty to the crown by carrying out my commands in this lonely and desolate outpost. To yourself, your true worth has been revealed. For I have known all along the strength of the substance I placed within you. I used this battle to bring it to the light of your eyes. Take what you know and have confidence from this day forward. Here are your new orders: 'Lay down your arms. Rest. Surrender. Leave what remains of the battle to me now, and show me you trust me, even in this dark hour. You have done your part, and I am pleased. Now, my child, show me that you believe I am God...let go.' "

Above is what came to me in a journal entry one day. It is an account of a 'sense' that came over me a few weeks ago as it relates to a personal struggle. At the risk of sounding crazy, I believe it was God 'talking' to me (not audibly). Telling me what He wants from me now. I followed through on it. A day after, I began to doubt it, to struggle with it. I wanted more. I wanted to see follow through. My trust, my faith had evaporated, yielding to the strength of feelings. I had let go, and yet NOTHING seemed to be happening. Was He there? Feelings of abandonment overwhelmed, was He forsaking me? There were facts that were happening all around me that could not be denied...facts that certainly didn't seem to go along with what I thought were congruent with Him taking over the battle. Then, I cried out to God, I implored, I begged Him for something specific, and He came through. I think it is when I began to fret, that the temptation to go against His 'orders' became strongest. I have in the times since given in to the temptation to go against them.

The Fox's Lesson

Have you forgotten what we are to say to ourselves every morning? 'Today I shall meet cruel men, cowards and liars, the envious and the drunken. They will be like that because they do not know what is good from what is bad. This is an evil which has fallen upon them not upon me. They are to be pitied...'

C.S. Lewis (Till We Have Faces)