Eros as King; or Falling In Love

The event of falling in love is of such a nature that we are right to reject as intolerable the idea that it should be transitory. In one high bound it has overlapped the massive wall of our selfhood; it has made appetite itself altruistic, tossed personal happiness aside as a triviality and planted the interests of another in the centre of our being. Spontaneously and without effort we have fulfilled the law (towards one person) by loving our neighbor as ourselves. It is an image, a fortaste, of what we must become to all [to everyone] if Love Himself rules in us without a rival. It is even (well used) a preparation for that. Simply to relapse from it, merely to "fall out of" love again, is-if I may coin the ugly word-a sort of disredemption. Eros is driven to promise what Eros himself cannot perform. Can we be in this selfless liberation for a lifetime? Hardly for a week. Between the best possible lovers this high condition is intermittent. The old self soon turns out to be not so dead as he pretended...

- C. S. Lewis

Honesty, right? That's what I'm aiming for here, that's what the post More Me seemed to claim. Well, here goes. This post is from the book The Four Loves. I posted it in an attempt to make a (very poorly) veiled commentary about the relationship between someone I care deeply about and someone else - to be as generic as possible. Before I get into my motivation for posting this specific quote, I will try as best I can to describe the context of the quote, and what it means to me. Lewis' book focuses on 4 different types of love experienced by us humans. The four loves he lays out are Affection, Eros, Friendship, and Charity. He claims that all these loves are wonderful gifts from God. Affection is what we feel for those we have a special kinship towards. They have a likeable quality or likeable set of qualities that we find ourselves drawn to and wanting (yet almost embarrassed) to show an appreciation for. Eros is not sex. Eros is the state of being in love. Eros can exist without and long before (if ever) the sexual act takes place or the impulse for it enters the thoughts of a lover's mind. Friendship is commonality between at least 2 people that draws them closer without getting into levels of detail, without the specifics about what goes on in peoples' day to day lives, it is simply having fun with someone that has a common interest or set of interests with you. Charity is the King of all loves. Charity is the love that's referred to when people say of God that He is Love. Charity is God's love. Charity is God.

Like all gifts from God, they can either be used for good or ill, depending on how far they are taken in one direction before being governed by the King love, Charity. Lewis says of Eros that it is the one that most claims itself to be King over any of the other loves, but he says that it cannot keep its promises. He says it is fickle when left on its own. It is under the influence of Eros that Lewis says we "...intend...and promise lifelong fidelity." I don't doubt this. Eros is not a bad thing. I've made the same vows under the same influence. Eros is a wonderful gift. In Lewis' quote above he explains why Eros is such a great thing. The way it brings about 'naturally' the unnatural ability to love our neighbor as ourselves is one of the highest blessings beyond our asking. I guess the thing I was trying to show by originally posting this quote is that being in love can naturally fade...that it is true love, Charity, God loving through us, that makes a love really live and grow for a lifetime. A lifetime love is what I want, and I hope that someday that person I care so deeply about is able to share in it with me - but I also realize that is out of my hands. For God is the King of all loves, mine notwithstanding.