It is a poor thing to [pledge our allegiance] to God when the [ship of our lives is sinking under us]; a poor thing to come to Him as a last resort, to offer up 'our own' when it is no longer worth keeping. If God were proud He would hardly have us on such terms: but He is not proud, He stoops to conquer, He will have us even though we have shown that we prefer everything else to Him, and come to Him because there is 'nothing better' now to be had.
- C. S. Lewis
When I'm floundering in sin, I find myself hopeless, with the attitude of indifference (at best). In these times I've noticed that I really have no interest in turning to God at the cost of turning from my sin. Give me both and I can, with little difficulty, persuade myself to believe that all is well, or rather, that all is not all that bad. In this all too frequent condition, I see little if any merit in turning fully from my sin to Him. It takes an experience of my world being knocked of off its axis to move me from this half kneeling-half standing position of pseudo submission to Him - which is really no submission at all - to help me realize that I had been sleepwalking all the while. The haze of the daze I was in had blinded me from the truth that there is only merit in one way of life. I'm glad He's not proud, and that He puts up with this pattern of mine over and over again without contempt or malice. He greets me like the prodigal father of the great parable without fail, even while embracing me in my still 'pigpenish' condition.
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