Help

To what will you look for help if you will not look to that which is stronger than yourself?

- C. S. Lewis

I have a hard time with this. I'm in a tough and scary position right now spiritually. I want a mentor. I want someone older and with more experience than me as a Christian that I can trust. I want someone who has lived a real life through their faith, in the unshakable attempt to seek and live God's will for them. I'm not looking for someone who's perfect, or lived a perfect life, but someone who's lived and is living consistently with Him and His effect on him in mind. Where can I look for this than to someone that is stronger than me? I haven't found that person yet. I've prayed for that person, but they haven't come along. I've looked for someone in a couple of different churches. I haven't looked explicitly, for fear that I would find the exact wrong person: how can this person be who I'm looking for while at the same time claim to be these things upon my solicitation? This failure to find anyone thusfar has led me to this scary position. I am being set up to believe that there's no one I can talk to that is further along in the journey than me. I know this to be a massive temptation to a line of thinking that is utterly false when examined in light of what must be. The problem is that I've found no one, and no one has found me, so it seems that there's no one out there that fits the bill. Maybe the point is that right now, it is best for me not to meet that person. Right now, and over the last year and a half, my mentors have been Lewis and MacDonald. Maybe the truth is they haven't taught me everything I need to learn yet. Whatever the answer is, I just wish that there was a real person that I could interact with, that I could be friends with, that could help me where I have questions, or add another slat to the bridge I'm trying to build between ignorance and understanding.

Lord, please send me the one (or many) that are stronger than me and available to me, and make me available to them.
- Amen